


Norse at the Museum

by CandyassGoth



Category: Night at the Museum (2006 2009), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A few appendages break, AU, Ahkmenrah is a fanboy, Comedy, Confused Thor, Crack, Gen, La is not amused, Larry has the temperament to be a counsellor, Loki Has Issues, Loki is Not Amused, M/M, Mad Loki, Night of the Museum fusion, Nothing makes sense that night, Scared Bystanders, Takes place after NatM3, Tilly is team Thor, Tired Larry, Warning: Loki, canon angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 23:04:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3746902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandyassGoth/pseuds/CandyassGoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor and Loki find themselves teleported to a human museum rather than Asgard after the battle of New York, armed with their signature weapons.</p><p>Larry the long time night guard of the museum finds himself running for his life like its the first night on the job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Norse at the Museum

**Author's Note:**

> So I finally watched Night at the Museum 3 and I loved it as much as the first (though towards the ending I was spitting and hissing). Anyway, I realised, what the fuck would it be like if Thor and Loki ended up as statues in this universe??!?!?!??!!!?? So I wrote it, because I am good at ridiculous-serious-looking crack. Or not…
> 
> I’m supposed to be writing sugar baby Loki I know but this couldn’t fucking wait
> 
> Takes place AFTER NatM 3 with character appearances from that film so you might not get some jokes if you haven’t seen it. (If they can qualify as jokes…), and Thor and Loki come back with their end of _The Avengers_ mindsets, when Thor was carting Loki off to Asgard all shackled. Except they wake up here, no Tesseract no shackles, Loki has his sceptre etc. I dunno okay just roll with it.
> 
>  
> 
> _I apologise for errors_

**Norse at the Museum**

 

In his old age (he was getting old okay) Larry started to dread the moments whenever his phone rang. It was either a new taxing problem needing to be addressed, or it was a _possible_ problem that _might_ need to be addressed depending on his luck. Though usually Dr. McPhee was on the neutral list, so Larry didn’t hesitate answering his phone, having just got out the shower that afternoon.

“Yyy’ello,”

_“Larry, hey, let me talk to you for a moment.”_

“Hey, yeah, what’s up?”

 _“I’ve got exciting news!”_ Dr. McPhee exclaimed. Larry could almost feel the spit hit him through the phone, and it didn’t even have a cord like in the cartoons.

“Right. Okay?”

_“Well, go on. Guess.”_

So, today wasn’t a neutral day, great. “Guess? Um…er…”

_“Oh come on,”_

“Er…I don’t—just tell me.”

_“Well no wonder you got divorced, no sense of humour whatsoever.”_

“ _I_ don’t have a sense of humour?” Larry laughed shortly, then cleared his throat. “Never mind. Okay, please, tell me? What’s the news?”

 _“We have two new exhibits coming in!”_ Dr. McPhee said, sounding far too excited.

Larry didn’t blame him though, especially since Dr. McPhee was in on the secret now. It meant two new _people_ were going to join them, not just exhibits. Well, the more the merrier. “Oh, wow. Oh, well, great. So, do we know who it is or…must I guess?”

 _“It’s Thor and Loki.”_ The director didn’t stall that, and Larry started to feel dense as the expected silence dragged on. Then he clicked.

“…Thor…not-not _Thor_ Thor, like… god of thunder Thor?”

_“Yes! All the rage they are apparently, and we’re going to be housing them! Do you know what this means?”_

“That we’re going to have two pagan gods waking up for the first time. Confused. Around a dozen other priceless artefacts and our friends?”

_“…Yes, well, that is your area of expertise. Anywhoo, I called to give you the heads up. Do your studying and whatnot.”_

Poised, Larry nodded, cranking his neck in preparation. “No problem, already on it. When are they coming?”

_“They’re here.”_

“The—what? Dude, come on.”

_“Sorry! Short notice for me as well but I’m sure you’ll be fine. Okay then, good luck!”_

And the man hung up on him. Well, it wouldn’t do him good to stand around and sigh. He still had a couple hours before he had to go in, so Larry made use of the time and indeed did his research.

By the end of it he was genuinely surprised he hadn’t known half the stuff these guys were all about because it was all kinds of crazy.

 

With Nick at a friend Larry went in early just to scope out the guys before they woke up, finding not quite the gruff Vikings he expected. The original Viking guys they had in the museum were more Viking than these guys. Then again the _people_ where the Vikings, not their gods. But who knows, they could have it all wrong. …Just like the ungodly amount of leather strapped to these poor guys.

When it was time Larry went to wait by Teddy, he had the strangest feeling he was going to need support on this, even as experienced as he was. The wait was starting to kill him, he just hoped these guys would not cause too much trouble. He mumbled for a while to Teddy’s figure, filling him in and tapping his foot.

“…Teddy, I’m really going to need your help on this. Not that you’d know more about them than anyone else but…the Norse weren’t exactly cute and cuddly.”

A few heavy moments later Rexy roared, and Teddy clapped him on back, smile at the ready as he dismounted his horse, making Larry feel lighter already. “Lawrence! Another night and a new mission! Shall we?”

“Yes. Thanks, Teddy.” 

Everyone was already bustling, no doubt having seen and heard about the new arrivals. One would think they would know to be a little warier. “Yes, hi guys! Stay away from the north side for a while! Thanks. Yeah, hey Christopher.”

“What else can you tell me about them?” Teddy asked.

“Well, whoever dressed them went seriously overboard on the Superman in leather fetish.” Teddy frowned at him, so he rephrased. “I mean, they’re dressed in these crazy outfits and they have weapons and they look angry. We’re going to need Attila and Lancelot if this goes south.”

“Now, now, let’s not judge them before we meet them. Thor and Loki, you said.”

“Yeah. So Thor, god of Thunder. Has a magic godly hammer called _Myurmyur_? I don’t even know how to say it, even with Google. Loves battles and parties, to go with his temper and unnecessarily huge muscles.”

“Hardly unnecessary. Physical strength was of great import and respect back in those days!”

“Yeah well, it’s a fashion statement now. He’s also the god of fertility. Or one of them, he and his wife. Causes thunderstorms when he rides around in his chariot, throwing his hammer around—you have to see it. It’s huge!”

“You sound scared, Lawrence. Do you think he will be more than we can handle?”

“I hope not. All the text say he’s a good guy, protecting the mortals, fighting giants and monsters. He didn’t even ask for blood sacrifices like the rest of the old time gods. Still, we can’t exactly have a hot-headed Norse warrior breaking everything with his damn hammer. It didn’t look entirely plastic either, if you know what I mean. At least with the other one it isn’t so bad. He’s a _trickster_. Plays tricks on people, go figure. That’s manageable, I mean. He’s got no actual magic and he’s out of his element here so I don’t think he’ll be too much trouble. Other than trip us down a flight of stairs or…steal the keys. It’s Mister Muscles I am worried about.”

“No fear, Lawrence. I’m sure it will all go smoothly!”

Just around the corner to their destination there was a loud shatter of glass, and multiple screams. 

Larry groaned, running ahead. “Great! So smoothly!”

The scene they came to wasn’t quite what Larry expected, nor was it making sense. Nor was it what was expected. Nor sense. Nor expected. _Norse-nse. Norse expec_ —this would not end well.

“Where have you taken us?!” The big blond one was stumbling around, waving his hammer and shaking the other by the arm roughly, who was in turn shaking his arm to free himself. Larry was surprised there wasn’t an earthquake going on.

“This isn’t me!” Loki shouted, holding tightly to the big scary sceptre in his hands. When Thor finally realised it was there he backed off, if only to raise his hammer warningly. Larry and Teddy skidded to a stop just outside their huddle, ushering the others nearby away from the scene.

“Loki I am not playing! Where is the Tesseract?! How are you doing this?”

Instead of verbally answering Loki pointed the sceptre and pulled a vicious expression, like the one Larry and Nick had mastered when playing Call of Duty. Nothing happened after that, so Loki tried again, jerking forward the fancy stick viciously until it nearly became a knife instead. “What is happening?! Fire, damn you!”

“Loki, put that down and come quietly.” Thor said, voice deep and thunderous.

“You’re going to have to catch me again.” Loki spat, and turned to run. He ran straight into Larry, who knocked back into Teddy. Loki jumped back, aiming his sceptre at them now.

“Whoa! Hey! It’s okay! It’s okay! Peace! We come in peace!” Larry exclaimed, hands out.

Thor strode forward between him and Loki. “It’s not safe here, you have to leave! Go now!”

Larry nod-shrugged, glad to see Thor wasn’t quite a baddie after all. Loki though…“Okay, protector indeed. Look, its okay. I’m Larry. Of Brooklyn. But this is…New York. Son of Milton—”

Loki aimed the sceptre and looked him dead in the eye. “Move before I skewer you.”

“Wow, that’s definitely old school. Guys, I know you’re confused, but this can all be explained— _shit_!” Teddy barely pulled him out of the way in time as Loki tried valiantly to make good on his threat, whilst slipping from Thor’s huge grabby hands, and somehow managed to start off running. Thor was seconds after him, red cloak flapping ominously. And ridiculously, Octavius was going to be so jealous.

Thor spared them one look back. “I said leave! My brother is dangerous!”

And then they were alone standing in a mess of broken glass.

Teddy hummed. “They’re brothers?”

“No? They’re from different families?” This was just so wrong. Or maybe he had read wrong. No, something was wrong.

“Are you sure you got the right ones?” Teddy asked.

“There aren’t any other Thor or Loki in mythology to just mistake them for!” he sighed internally, then threw his hands up as another crash of glass came from down the hall. “Aw, come on.”

They found the newcomers in a show down, sporting stupid poses but very worrisome facial expressions.

“Loki you are due for your trial! You’ve caused enough mayhem on his planet already!” Thor shouted.

“You just like to see me brought down. You and your accursed father—!” Loki started, but Thor was fuming.

“ _Our_ father!” he cut in, then stopped to wave Larry off again with a tired sigh. He looked genuinely tired, Larry felt sorry for him and whatever his story was. “Please, you don’t understand.”

“No, no _you_ don’t understand!” Larry replied, pointing his finger for good measure. It worked and the gods looked at him with raised brows, probably ready to smite him. He cleared his throat, and stumbled forward at the poke in his back from Teddy. “Look, this is confusing I know, but you’re not…you’re not who you think you are. You’re not actually Thor and Loki, you’re wax figures in a museum. Look around you.”

Thor shook his head, again waving his very real looking hammer. Magic? No. Metal? Probably. “The Tesseract must have brought us here.”

Larry frowned, “Tessa what? Guys, please, take a breath. Everything is okay, no one is going to hurt you.”

“I think we fell through parallel universes as well as location.” Loki said, frowning right back at Larry who was trying to comfort _them_ , even after being threatened.

Larry shook his head, pulling his lips in. He’d forgotten what it was like to go through his. “No, no there are no parallel universes here. Listen to me. You’re not the real you.”

The Trickster scoffed softly, looking Larry up and down. “I am starting to wonder why I bothered with this idiotic planet.”

Larry rolled his eyes. “Oh boy.”

“Now see here, Florence. I will not warn you again.” Loki said, making a show of tightening his grip on his spear thingy.

Larry frowned even harder. “Florence? No, it’s _Lawrence_. Larry. I’m Larry.”

If Loki got the message he would never know, not as Thor tackled Loki to the ground and dropped the hammer on his chest with a triumphant grunt that sounded too much like a midnight TV advert than Larry wished to acknowledge.

Thor stood, a considerable mass, and pointed a finger down at Loki. “We are going home. Lawrence, please contact Tony Stark for me. Loki is a war criminal and if I don’t see him seized he will kill you all.”

Teddy frowned. “Who is Tony Stark?”

Then Loki sat up, frightening Thor a few steps back as the hammer dropped to his lap. “Well, well,” he lifted it, and turned it around a few times in some kind of sarcasm Larry couldn’t understand. “Would you look at that.”

“How are you doing that?” Thor asked, shaking.

Loki took a moment to answer, then got up carefully, holding both weapons. “I will be honest and say _no idea_.”

“Only he who is worthy may wield this hammer! You just destroyed half the city!” Thor shouted, throwing his arms out.

Larry frowned. City was a strange word for two Norse gods to use. In fact, _English_ itself was a little strange for them, unless they had been on display elsewhere for a while. He held up a finger. “What city now?”

“Hammer!” Thor barked, extending his hand dramatically.

Nothing happened.

Loki laughed loudly, his cold voice echoing down all the corridors. “Oh, this is marvellous! You don’t have any powers here either.”

Thor pulled a face. “What are you talking about?”

“Catch, _brother_.” Loki whipped his arm back and flung the hammer. Lawrence and Teddy ducked despite being far out of the line of fire, and winced loudly as it hit Thor on the face, knocking him straight over. It was then that Dexter appeared, climbing up Larry’s leg and screaming his apparent amusement. The rest of the team followed shortly, puzzled and confused but always at Larry’s back up and defence.

“Newcomers?” Ahkmenrah asked, smiling in welcome. Sacagawea went to Teddy’s side, narrowing her eyes in equal measure to Loki, who was becoming agitated at the many new faces. He was out numbered, Larry realised. Not a good position for an angry old god to be in.

“What is this?” Loki spat, turning to glare at them all. He wasn’t pointing his stick anymore, so that was progress.

“Hey, look, Loki. The Trickster, right? Son of Laufey?” Larry said, stepped forward as team leader.

This made Loki stop and he looked at Larry, eyes narrowed. “How do you know that? Not even SHIELD knows that.”

“Erm, okay I don’t know who Shield is, but, I read up on you from history books. Because you’re a mythological figure.”

“So the mortals have a few tales about us, of course you do. We’re gods.” Loki said proudly, gesturing to himself.

“Tell that to Ahkmenrah’s parents,” Jedediah shouted from Attila’s shoulder, using his hair as rope. Octavius snorted besides him.

“Nice cape,” he said to Thor, sounding more genuine than he did sarcastic. Jed sighed to himself, but nodded anyway as Larry continued.

“See the thing is, you’re just…manifestations of who you think you are. Try your magic, you’re a god of fire aren’t you? Try it. No magic.”

Loki squeezed his hand, trying to do this that. He grit his teeth when nothing happened, trying not to show any reactions.

Thor on the other hand was on the pads of his feet, swinging his hammer around as he tried (and failed) spectacularly to take flight.

“What…is he trying to do?” Ahkmenrah asked.

“Try a littler hard, brother!” Loki called, amused, his spear now dangling from his hands.

“Brother?” Larry shook his head, sighing externally. “I am seriously confused.”

“Loki what have you done!” Thor shouted, looking at his hammer like it was going to bite him, yet glued to his hand.

“I didn’t do this!” Loki shouted back, smacking his chest. He lifted his sceptre with purpose and started to examine it.

“They’re talking this hard.” Sacagawea noted, tightening her grip on Teddy.

“It’s alright my dear. They’ll be fine.”

“It’s us we should be worried about.”

“What is he looking for, the _Made In China_ stamp?” Jed asked loudly. Loki didn’t seem to hear him, his eyes genuinely troubled. Larry somehow felt this wasn’t going to count as progress.

“…It’s…its fake,” Loki said, softly. Thor stopped his own fussing to look at Loki, who was now holding the sceptre like it was a useless stick.

“It can’t be.” Thor said, slightly out of breath. He looked at his hammer again, testing its weight.

“It’s fake. So is Mjölnir.” Loki growled. He threw the sceptre down at Larry’s feet, complete with a filthy look like he had caused it.

“It can’t be,” Thor mumbled.

“Well it is, you giant dolt!” Loki screamed, scaring half of his audience back.

“Whoa, okay, calm guys, calm down—hey no no NO”

It was too late. Thor spun and threw his hammer, spitting in rage. Larry braced himself for the shatter of glass or tiling, or the screams of a poor victim. What he got was a loud hollow _CLUNK_ , and an enraged T Rex roar.

“What the fuck,” Loki breathed as the dinosaur stalked in through the hallway, shaking his bony head as he screeched, _Myurmyur_ lying at his feet. 

“Hey that wasn’t very nice!” Jed shouted, “Pick on somebody your own size!” Octavius added.

Rexy clearly agreed as he reared up with another roar, and charged.

“Splendid job, Thor!” Loki shouted sarcastically, spinning on his heel and taking off. Thor was a couple seconds behind him, cape flapping again.

“No! No no Rexy! Rexy stop!” Larry called, taking off after them, Dexter clinging to his collar.

No one else moved, glancing between one another in the obvious question. 

Teddy sighed. “Come on all, Larry can’t do this alone.”

 

**XxXxXx**

 

As strange as ever, Rexy managed to evade him. How a huge bony dinosaur could sneaky about, Larry would never know. And worse, he couldn’t find Thor or Loki.

“Hello?” Larry called down the hallway. It was too quiet, everyone was hiding. He didn’t blame them. But then that meant the newbies where hiding too, liable to sneak up on him at any moment… “Give me a break…”

“Lawrence!” Teddy called, successfully sending Larry three feet in the air. He laughed, and clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s just me. We’ve all split up to help.”

“Split up? What—no. Is that a good idea? Those guys were pissed. Someone can get hurt.”

Teddy smiled stiffly. “Yes, and making no sense at all.”

“I am lost. There is no way I could have read the wrong thing. And Muscle Bustle should have red hair, not blond hair. And brothers? _What_?”

“We can only find out by asking them.”

“Yeah, if we can find them. We can’t let them escape.”

“I’ll go this way.” Teddy clapped his shoulder again, and headed down the corridor. Larry sighed, standing for a moment, then turned the opposite way and walked straight into a feral looking Loki.

“How are you doing this?!” Loki hissed, grabbing Larry by the shirt.

“Whoa! Hey! It’s not me- _oh shit_!”

Loki threw him against the wall, towering down on him and feeling plenty real for a wax figure. It was worth the try if it saved his head, so Larry kneed Loki in the stomach. It worked and Loki released him, stumbling back, but he was already reaching out. Larry ducked out of the way, and fought his way into the nearest door, which happened to be a small janitorial closet.

“OPEN THIS DOOR YOU PESTULANCE.” Loki roared from the other side, yanking on the door handle.

“Can’t. Even. Believe…!” Larry got out his phone as fast as he could, hitting speed dial as he pulled on the quaking door. The dialling tone toyed with him, seeming to last forever before son picked up.

“… _Hmm, hello_ …?”

“Nick! I need—!”

“ _Dad? Dad what’s going on?_ ” Nick asked worriedly as he listening to the sounds of struggling.

“I’m being attacked! _Oh shit_ —”

“ _What? By who? Must I call the cops? Where is_ —”

“It’s Loki!” Larry screamed into the phone, pulling with all his might, cursing whoever made the door without an inside lock. He stuck the phone on his shoulder, using both hands to hold the crazy pagan god at bay.

“ _Who_?”

“Loki! I’m being attacked by Loki!”

“… _What like, Loki Loki? Marvel Villain Norse Loki?_ ”

“Marvel who?!” And there went half the battle. Loki got the door open, grinning like a lunatic as he hefted a booted foot on the wall, and _pulled_.

“ _Marvel, you know. The comics and movies with Spiderman and Captain America?_ ”

Larry didn’t comprehend any of it. “WHAT?”

“ _Dad seriously, what is going on? Must I come?_ ”

“No! No, I’ll call you back!” Larry dropped the phone, manoeuvring and bracing his own leg against the wall to gain back leverage. “Stop it!” he shouted at Loki. “We’re your friends! Not enemies!”

“If you think that you clearly don’t know who I am!” 

“You’re the god of mischief, aren’t you?!” Larry wheezed. He was getting too old for this shit. “Loki! Son of Laufey and Farbati? Farbauti? Farbooty—whatever!” Loki clearly didn’t comprehend any of it either, looking _angry_ -insane now. Larry could swear his eyes went red. “Oh God, please don’t tell me you’re Satan.”

“Stop spitting nonsense!” Loki barked, then shot off to the left as someone barrelled into him. 

It was La. The door swung in and Larry fell back into the cabinet, reminding him again that he was getting way to old. He heard La shouting something and Loki replied much in the same tone, and almost the same language if the literal meaning of _Mad-As-Hell_ could mean anything in words. And mad as in both definitions.

Larry stumbled out the room as fast as he could, finding la straddling Loki, in a battle of arm strengths. Loki was holding up pretty good, even for a skinny British guy. And that was another thing that made no sense about this whole pagan god thing.

“La! No! Stop! Get off him!” Larry was about to grab La when a figure appeared ahead, standing only for a moment before it hurled toward them.

“LOKI!” Thor shouted, hammer at the ready. Larry grabbed the scruff of La’s fur and using the strength invoked by mothers when their kids got trapped under cars, yanked him off Loki just in time to avoid the blow of the metal prop. It may not be _real_ real but it was still real enough to break crap.

Loki rolled away as soon as he was free, accepting the protection Thor offered, holding a huge arm out to hide Loki behind his mass as the black-haired man coughed, rubbing his ribs.

“Lay a hand on my brother again and I will see to it you join him in prison.” Thor warned, his hammer extended.

“It’s not real,” Loki reminded sarcastically.

“It’s real enough!” Thor retorted, smashing it against the wall and successfully making a tiny crater. Larry exclaimed, throwing his hands up. La followed suit, snarling in Caveman.

“Okay, can we all just _stop_?!” Larry shouted, his voice high and echoing down the passage. The two gods gave him their attention, both looking agitated. It was understandable, but Larry was just human, and literally the only one in there.

“Yes, something is wrong, and I will explain everything if you gift me the _chance_.”

“Explain.” Thor said immediately.

“Oh. Okay, good. Okay but first, you have to explain to me what is going on here.” Larry circled his fingers, pointing them at Thor and Loki. “Brothers? I…that wasn’t in the books. Thor you’re supposed to have red hair and I am _preeeetty_ sure neither of you should be able to speak English. Unless you aren’t as new as you look.”

With identical one-sided frowns and pinches of their noses the _brothers_ stared.

“…According to our…mythology—on you guys—you aren’t brothers. If anything Loki Odin is closer to being your brother.”

“He’s my—” Loki stopped himself, bug eyed. Thor looked at him with the weirdest expression, like a really emotional-drunkard fireman to a crippled kitten stuck on a roof. “…He is Thor’s father. He’s nothing to me.”

“Loki was adopted, he still has issues.” Thor explained. Loki hit his arm.

“You would too!”

“No, Loki, I wouldn’t! You are blowing this out of proportion. As always!”

“Oh please. Tell me you wouldn’t have destroyed everything if it were _you_ who found out that day on Jötunheimr that you were a Jotun. Prince of those monsters. You would have torn the planet apart!”

“Jotun! Giant right?” Larry asked eagerly, snapping his fingers.

“Yes,” Thor nodded, “Loki is a frost giant.”

“And what else do your myths say about us?” Loki asked sourly, trying to glare Thor’s eyes out of his sockets.

“Um, well. I mean…if it got everything wrong then I guess…it doesn’t matter.”

“No, no, I want to hear this,” Loki insisted, stepping forward menacingly. La growled and mimicked his action, growling off Thor when he too stepped forward, snarling in warning.

“Guys, come on, this isn’t some kind of bear mating season,” Larry got between them all, subtly pushing on Thor’s chest and shoving La back to make some space. “Look just, maybe we got it wrong okay. It’s kinda what we do, get things wrong. Like, Thor you’re supposed to have wild red hair and two goats that pull your er…your chariot. And Loki here, he erm…was quite the…nymphomaniac. He’s got a bunch of weird creature kids. A big hit with the ladies. …And giants, and trees, and rocks…and a horse.”

“A horse?” Thor repeated, dangerously.

“Erm, yeah. And he had a little…eight-legged…foal, that he…gave birth to. As a mare, if that…helps. And once a giant stole your hammer there and you two dressed up as ladies to disguise yourselves so you could go get it back from the giant.”

The silence that followed was far more awkward than any Larry had ever had with Dr. McPhee. Or Nick, during puberty days.

“…Do you think that is funny?” Thor growled.

“Er, well…a little I mean—” He didn’t get to finish. La shoved him out of the way as Thor jerked forward, fist ready, but La got him first. Thor’s head snapped to the side with a sound of surprise. 

Loki gawked openly, now looking highly amused and standing back a place as he looked between them and the dangerous tension in the air. Larry did the same, except he didn’t find _this_ funny. He still had a real neck that could break.

“YOU” Was Thor’s battle cry as he tackled La, hammer and bone flying as they hit the ground and resorted to good old fashion brawling, with the addition of biting and hair pulling.

“Oh come on,” Larry turned in a circle, exasperated.

“Only Thor would find battle with a Midgardian caveman.”

“He’s actually a Neanderthal.” Larry said before he could stop himself.

Loki shot him a raised brow, but didn’t lunge for his throat and Larry counted that too as progress. 

“He looks like you.”

“It’s a…joke, just—whatever, it doesn’t matter. Look, I am just as confused as you right now. You guys are all…all wrong. Not what I expected.”

“So you expected a Thor with red hair and me with an army of monstrous children.”

Larry shifted awkwardly. “I didn’t-I didn’t say _monstrous_. I mean, you know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unconditional parental love and all that.”

“And the fact that a stallion screwed me and impregnated me?”

Larry choked, looking around for innocent ears. Loki looked amused, rather than upset. Clearly he had left Thor to defend his honour, who was rolling with La in a heap of red cape and animal furs, as far from honour as one could get.

“Though perhaps that myth is a metaphor for Jotun penis. I hear it’s huge.”

Larry looked at his crotch, and side stepped like it might bite him.

Loki deadpanned. “Not _me_. Regular sized Jotuns. Take the giant word literally.”

“So, you’re…what? Malnourished?” Larry asked, taking another step back when Loki snorted through his nose like a bull.

“You are testing my very short nerves, Florence.” 

“It’s _Lawrence_! Would you like it if I called you Mal? Mally? Or how about _Mare_? Marie?”

“You little—!”

And Larry was back to running, this time with Loki chasing him. He would take the blame for this.

“Get out of the way!” He shouted, waving off the frightened bystanders. Around this corner, skidding down that passage, jumping over that person. Loki was insanely agile for one wearing so much leather.

“Ohh Dum-dum! Long time since you run-run!” the Easter Island Head said, “New one after bum-bum for fun-fun!”

“ _WHAT_?!” Larry called, racing past the statue.

“Apparently I swing all ways!” Loki shouted, laughing maniacally.

Then suddenly the sound of the chase stopped. Larry glanced back, and skidded to a halt. Loki’s path was blocked, by Attila and his men. Larry sighed eternally in heavenly relief.

“Move,” Loki ordered.

“Uuma mi ahputha!” Atila replied dangerously, pointing a grubby finger in Loki’s sharp face.

Loki reached out and snapped it.

“SHIT” Larry exclaimed, jumping in a weird dance as his instincts to flee battled with his concern to help Attila. The Hun howled and grabbed his damaged finger, screaming with anger rather than excruciating pain.

And then Loki proceeded to fight his way through the pack of Huns, moving as if he were some Liam-Neeson-trained warrior. All Larry could do was stare and wonder if maybe they would all die tonight by a leather-wearing horse-momma.

Attila was the last to go down. He was good, but Loki was fast and relied purely on his body as a weapon where as Attila was slower and liked to use weapons. He was on the floor in no time, heaped on top of his men and seeing birdies. Larry could almost see them too.

Above them Loki panted, hair wild and eyes wilder.

“Don’t run sweetheart, I’ll make it quick.”

“I have a son.” Larry wheezed dramatically as a last resort. “He’ll starve to death without me. He needs me.”

“Oh, how sweet,” Loki cooed falsely. “At the very least, he won’t have to see you die.”

“You’re such a dick!” Larry shot before taking off again now that he got his breath back. 

To his luck he ran into Lancelot, who had his sword at the ready.

“Lawrence! What is all the commotion? Everyone is talking about two newcomers who are causing havoc!”

“Yeah that would be this guy!” Larry said, thumbing over his shoulder as he stopped behind Lancelot, Loki just skidding around the corner. He started walking when he saw them, but that was twice as frightening.

Lancelot raised a brow and leaned toward Larry. “What on earth is he wearing?” he whispered.

“It’s Loki, god of mischief magic and making horse babies!”

Loki grinned at the taunt. “Keep going, sir.”

“Stand down, _witch_ , or I shall smite thee with great pleasure!” Lancelot warned as Loki came within touching distance, sword and legs positioned in a fancy manner for battle. He reminded Loki somewhat of Fandral, only there something about his face irritated him far beyond impulse control. 

Loki punched him in the nose.

“AH! What the—my nose! Not the _nose_!” The knight shrieked, stumbling loudly to the side.

Loki heaved when he realised he had Lancelot’s nose skin on his knuckles. “By the gods.” He waved his hand wildly, heaving again when the skin flapped around. 

“I just got it almost the way it used to be!” Lancelot screeched, falling against the wall, sword clattering to the floor as he hid himself.

“I did go mad.” Loki said, panting. “Thanos tortured me to the point of madness and this has all been a product of my madness. I am mad.”

“Yes you are!” Lancelot shouted, offended and holding very hurt feelings.

“Brother!” 

Loki groaned, barely able to turn before Thor was upon him, plastering them together hand-to-arm. 

“Where is the guard? What have you done to him? Who is that?”

“Nobody!” Lancelot shouted into the wall, fiddling with what was left of his nose and apparently abandoned by a missing Larry. Loki breathed heavily, shaking his head.

“Thor, Florence is right. None of this is real.”

Thor looked upset, but kept pulling Loki against him. Loki didn’t care if it was for comfort or restraint, he was beginning to understand. 

“Brother, something is wrong yes, but—”

“No Thor, you’re all fake! This is all in my mind. I went mad by Thanos’ hands! You won’t understand!”

Thor reared up, alarmed, and started shaking Loki by the arms. “Thanos? Who is that?!”

“I WENT MAD—”

“STOP SAYING THAT”

“HE’S STILL GOT ME!”

“YOU’RE SCARING ME!”

“BROTHER—”

“YOU CALLED ME BROTHER?!!?!”

“There they are!”

Stuck in their panicking Thor and Loki succumbed to the team of hands that descended upon them with copious amounts of rope.

 

**XxXxXxXx**

“I am going to need so many Aspirins after this.” Larry said with a sigh, pacing around the reception area where they were gathered. Thor and Loki were tied to a chair each, both looking devastated.

“Poor little guys, they look like lost kittens.” Ahkmenrah cooed.

“They are as far from little as they could possibly get.” Larry retorted.

“I think we’ve reached a crossroads, Lawrence.” Teddy said, “They should take in everything better now that they’ve gotten the excitement out of their system.”

“Excitement? They nearly broke the place. This one brought Attila’s finger. And Lancelot’s nose. And that one wrecked the entire hallway. _With_ La.” He added with a glare to his Neanderthal counterpart. Said person grunted obliviously in agreement and lifted the two pieces of his once weapon. “Yeah, and La’s bone. If this is what we used to worship, I can see why mankind’s history is so screwed up.”

“No one is perfect, Larry.” Ahkmenrah said.

“This coming from a descendant of Ra.”

“I am far more humble than my father.”

“Yeah, thank goodness.”

“Er guys,” Jed called from the counter, standing with Octavius by the computer. “I don’t know what research you did, but everything is explained here.”

Larry went to lean over them, and saw the faces of Loki and Thor all across pages of Google Images. “What? How did you find this?”

“Oh that was me,” Oct piped up, looking proud. “I had them search Maniac-god-Loki and big-muscles-blond-Thor.”

Larry nodded-shrugged. “Of course. Why didn’t I think of that.”

Oct patted his finger. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Larry. This is a philosophy far before your time.”

“Okay what does it say?”

“Well apparently Mr. Leather-Butt over there is a bad guy that stole some magic block and tried to destroy New York with it, and blah blah blah a bunch of stuff I don’t understand. And Goldie Locks is his brother and came to stop him.” Jed explained.

“I hate being lost,” Larry grumbled. He looked around a few pages and images, spotting a familiar name.

“…Marvel. Nicky said something about Marvel. Captain America or something.”

Thor looked up sharply. “You know Steven?” he croaked.

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Please, call him! Call Tony we—”

“Thor… Shut. Up.” Loki hissed.

Larry smiled in sympathy. “Sorry pal. It’s not—they’re not—this is harder than telling a kid they’re adopted…”

Loki kicked Thor in the shin, just because he could.

“Oh. My. God.” Someone exclaimed shrilly.

La roared happily in greeting as Tilly walked in, eyes big and on the brothers. 

“Oh hey, I didn’t hear you come in.” Larry said

“It’s him.” She breathed, staring at Thor.

“Who?” Larry asked, too loudly and eagerly than he meant.

“It’s him,” she repeated. She ignored everyone completely in favour of bee-lining straight to Thor, who leaned back, frowning. Loki raised a brow, but remained still as the woman came to stand in front of Thor. She put her hands on his face before anyone could advise otherwise and started rubbing it around like play dough.

“Oh my God. Oh my God! I can’t believe it! It’s him!”

“I’m sorry, _who_ now?!” Larry asked, tiredly. He went to them, where Thor was trying his best to lean away as her fingers traced every inch of his face. Larry grabbed her wrists and pulled them away from Thor. She batted his hands away.

“You mean you don’t know who this is?” she asked loudly, then grabbed onto Thor’s bicep and shook it. “This one right here?” Now the pec. “Still nothing?”

“No.” Larry deadpanned.

“Well it’s Thor, obviously. Superhero? And his—” she spared Loki a glance and pursed lips. “ _evil_ cruel step-brother whose head is a bag full of rats.”

“Cats. Banner said _cats_.” Loki sneered. Then he frowned, looking off into the cosmic distance. “How did I become this?”

“You found out you were a blue smurf mutant that wears a Shaka Zulu loin cloth and fell into space and decided to help the aliens attack Earth,” she said, lovingly petting Thor’s beard throughout it all.

Loki stared, despondent. “My subconscious is more frightening than I believed.”

“How could you hurt this brave, heroic…handsome man,” she breathed, tangling her fingers in his hair until Thor started to wince.

Thor was leaning back as far as he could without toppling over or ripping his hair out. “My lady, please—”

“Shhh it’s alright there, I’ll protect you from your mean brother.” 

It was to everyone’s relief when La broke the moment. He growled, beating his chest with a livid crinkle of his brow. Tilly jumped, and stepped back just in time before La tackled Thor into the floor, chair and all.

“At the very least Thor is still a source of my amusement.” Loki drawled, watching with disinterest.

“Hey! No! La stop!” Larry shouted, giving Ahkmenrah a pleading glance before he helped him to pull La off of a frazzled Thor. Teddy and Sacagawea helped Thor back up.

“Mating rights,” Sacagawea noted, smiling as Tilly made an attempt at being nonchalant, though smiling at Thor who was shaking his head.

“La! Stop!” Larry said for the final time, shoving the Neanderthal off. La growled, throwing heated glances back as he stalked away.

“I am honestly surprised the rest of your precious new friends aren’t here.” Loki quipped at Thor.

“We are not in your head, Loki!” Thor said, ending in a shout.

“Oh that voice…” Tilly shivered. Larry sighed.

“Guys, please. We need to get this sorted tonight.”

“Er, Larry! I think I found a big piece of the puzzle.” Jed called. 

Larry was a step there when he saw what was on the screen, then nearly toppled the whole counter over as he tripped over to them as fast as he could. “ _What_ is that?!”

“It explains a lot.” Octavius said, shrugging and trying to stand as tall as he possibly could. “I mean, sometimes in war we don’t see women often. And-and sometimes a man can forget what…what they’re like. And so a man turns his attentions onto-onto another man. It’s not all that bizarre Larry, really. Learn your history.”

Larry stared at the screen that was covered in pictures and what looked like digital artwork of their two new pals engaging in highly homosexual activities.

“Some of it is pretty good.” Jed said, smirking. Then he laughed and pointed. “Oh look! Him and the horse!”

Loki sat up straighter, scowling as he and Thor tried to see over the bodies flooding to see what was on the computer. “What?”

“He’s right, Larry. It’s not that odd.” Ahkmenrah said, looking less concerned than everyone else who dared at a peek.

“…It’s not the fact that they’re gay,” Larry started, Thor cutting him off with a gurgle of _What_? “It’s the fact that they’re _brothers_.”

Ahkmenrah frowned. “I still don’t see the problem.”

“They used to do their siblings, don’t listen to him,” Jed said, nudging Larry’s hand with his boot. “Well, now we know what their problem is.” 

“We do?” Larry asked hopefully.

“It’s a lovers’ quarrel! Even two Johns get ‘em!”

Oct nodded. “He’s right, we’re fighting all the time. Not-not that we’re—you know—or anything.”

“We’re not _lovers_!” Loki spat, now twisting and fighting the rope. “What the fuck is wrong with me?!”

“Hey, calm down!” Larry said, “I am trying to read.”

“No really, _calm down_ ,” Tilly said in a patronising voice, giving Loki a dirty look. Loki stilled and raised a brow.

She scoffed. “What? You think you and him? Please. That’s just fanfiction. In the movies you’re enemies.”

“Fanfiction?” Loki repeated.

“Movies?” Thor asked.

“Yeah. You’re not _really_ gay. Or Thor isn’t. I also heard about you and that horse.” She leaned over to Loki. “You’re twisted, mate.”

“Thank you.” Loki replied, fuming.

At the computer, Larry sighed in relief and leaned against the counter. Two articles later and suddenly everything made sense.

“I see. I get it now. I get it!” he announced.

“Care to share?” Teddy asked.

“They’re superheroes, from comic books. Movies. They’re fictional characters, like Lancelot. Based on the Norse gods but way, _way_ off.” 

“Well _obviously_ ,” Tilly rolled her eyes, “Have you read the old Norse stuff? It’d creep people out if they put all that in the movies.”

“I think the horse thing does it for me.” Larry nodded, and headed over to their bound members. “Hey, Thor, you okay? You were heading back to Asgard, right?”

“Yes! Yes I was—we were,” Thor nodded.

“Okay, er, well…I guess that is who they modelled you after.” Larry said, patting Thor on the shoulder. “Also, Loki, this is real. You’re not crazy. Or, not crazy enough to be hallucinating this.”

“…This is real?” Thor asked, softly.

“Untie them,” Larry requested. “Come on, I’ll show you the tablet.”

 

The trip to the tablet was weird. Larry requested everyone stay behind so not to make the brothers antsy. To his relief Ahkmenrah insisted on coming with, if only to protect the tablet out of principle. They passed both Attila and Lancelot on the way who gave Loki filthy looks, to which Thor matched as he pulled a very irritable Loki closer. Ahkmenrah verbally commented on how cute it was, and Larry had a sneaky feeling he’d have to start erasing the browsing history on Google every morning.

The guardians in Ahkmenrah’s tomb guards saluted them when they entered after being waved down by their king. 

“This is the tablet of my father. It in itself is magical, it brings everything in this museum to life at night. We’re the exhibits, displays or…bones, brought back to life by the magic of Khonsu.”

“…Who?” Thor asked, trying not to feel stupid.

“…One of your gods?” Loki asked carefully.

“Yes. The light of the moon powers it. It grants us life, memories and feelings of who we used to be. Who we are.”

“But if we’re _fake_ , if we’re characters from a book, how can we have life?” Loki asked angrily.

“Clever question.” Ahkmenrah said, smiling, but did not offer an answer.

“Yeah, I would’ve just asked how the hell magic is real.” Larry chuckled.

“My mother used to say anything can be possible if you believe in it.” Ahkmenrah mused.

The four of them went into a strange silence. Larry was starting to feel awfully sad for the brothers, neither of them looked like they knew what to think. 

“…So…there is no Asgard?” Thor asked.

Ahkmenrah smiled sympathetically. “Not the Asgard you are thinking of, no. I don’t believe so.”

“And New York wasn’t destroyed by an alien invasion?”

“Definitely not.” Larry said.

Thor frowned lightly, and looked to Loki who was glaring off at the wall. “…Then Loki has committed no crimes. It’s all just a story, in our heads.”

“…Yeah,” Larry tried to smile, but one look from Loki and he had to resist jumping behind Ahkmenrah.

“And you think this is good?” Loki snarled, slapping Thor’s reaching hand away.

“You don’t?” Thor countered, spreading his arms out. “None of it truly happened! So there is no reason why we should still be fighting!”

“And that’s your first reaction? You and I fighting?!”

“Yes! You’re my brother and I love you, Loki. I always have but I never realised I had never told you so. When I did…you stopped giving me the chance. Give it to me now, please.”

Ahkmenrah was down right squealing, poking Larry in the arm and jerking his eyebrows excitedly.

Loki stared at Thor, a whirlwind of emotion soaring through him...

Then he punched Thor in the face.

Larry and Ahkmenrah exclaimed loudly along with Thor, stepping back in caution as Loki turned and stormed out, snarling up at the Anubis guys.

The three of them stood quietly as Thor got his bearings, rubbing his cheek idly.

“So…I take it I am going to have to watch these movies to actually understand what’s going on.” Larry said, sighing. “How long is he going to be brooding for?”

“He didn’t try to kill me. A swing is nothing in comparison, it’s a good sign.” Thor said, then gave them a smile. “You’ve done nothing but try to help us. Thank you. My brother…he’s troubled. Any anger he shows is of no fault from any of you, it’s of me and our history.”

“You shouldn’t leave him alone. He _did_ damage two of our own warriors without any trouble.” Ahkmenrah said.

“For which I truly apologise. Thank you, Larry. Ahkmenrah.”

“Go get him, tiger.” Larry said, frowning as an after thought as Thor rushed off.

“I like them.” Ahkmenrah said happily. 

 

Loki was struggling. This was _insane_! And yet, when he sliced his skin on a blade on display, there was nothing but wax inside him. No blood. No pain. No nothing. He was the impersonation of a fictional character. That meant he hadn’t done everything he thought he had. No trying to destroy a world called Jötunheimr. No disappointing a man called Odin. No falling into a dark abyss. No…no Thanos. No Tesseract. No Avengers. No hurtful painful past… it was just him, and Thor. Thor who was in the same boat as he was, Thor that was also confused and _alive_. They were stuck together in some crazy universe, just the two of them…stuck in a distant land, on a new adventure…just like the good old days when they were still innocent. When they were still free. They were still—

_THWACK_

Loki sailed back, hitting the floor solidly. La screeched in victory, waving Loki’s sceptre around in the caveman equivalent to the celebratory booty dance around his prey. When done he threw the sceptre in a random direction and bent to grab a handful of Loki’s hair, screeching again at the red knob forming on Loki’s hairline, and promptly dragged him away.

And that was how Tilly found them. She rounded a corner, gasping loudly and pointing her flash light.

“Oi! La! What do you think you’re doing?!” 

La stopped, looking surprised and guilty for a second, but she wasn’t done. “Got a thing for pretty British ones do you!” Tilly shouted, “I bet that’s what you went to London for in the first place!”

“Arrghhluthaa!”

“That’s besides the point!” 

“Hurghghargh! HIIHHN!”

“I only spoke to him! You’re kidnapping this one! Knock on the head and all. He can’t give you babies like I can!”

And was how Thor found them.

“Actually I think he could.” Thor said as he swiftly walked up and decked La in the mouth. The Neanderthal flew back into the wall, Tilly running after him and pointing a finger at Thor.

“Oi! Touch him again and I’ll break you! Fellow gorgeous Australian or not! I’m warning you!”

Thor lifted Loki off the floor and slung him over his shoulder, lifting a hand to placate Tilly. “Control yours and I’ll control mine?”

Tilly pouted-shrugged, as if it were an _okay_ idea. “No promises, but I’ll see what I can do. La here is a real beast. The hot kind.”

Thor smiled his signature smile, successfully making her blush anyway, and La growl. “Thank you. Pardon us.”

 

The night didn’t seem to be doing them any favours. Two corridors over and Thor was surrounded by a handful of men with pointed helmets and weapons. Thor took to his hammer for defence as they backed him into a wall. Loki was still unconscious and dangling, unaware of the angry hairy men shouting things at them in a foreign language. Try as he might Thor could not understand, and shrugged his free shoulder.

“I don’t understand,” he said imploringly. 

“Of course you don’t!” Ah there it was. The speaking man was sneering, pointing his sword angrily at them. “Because you are fake!”

Thor sighed. “Yes, we see that now.”

“No! You are not the Thunderer. Our mighty god!”

Thor lifted his hammer filled hand, raising out a few fingers to beckon them down. “Yes, I know. I may not be your god, but I am a warrior.”

The group bristled.

“How dare you threaten us?!” the man shouted, and lifted his weapon. It didn’t fall, but Larry was yanked into the circle having held onto it. It wasn’t the strong look he was going for but at least the Viking guys stopped for a moment.

“Tell me you were not just going to hit them with this?” he asked irritably, smacking down all the raised weapons with his bare hands, missing the impressed look from Thor. The men lowered their gazes like naughty children.

“They insult our gods!” the ring leader complained, “The mighty Thunderer did not have flowing yellow hair like some tavern maiden!”

Eyes out of his head Thor stared, scandalised. Larry had to choke back a laugh, holding his hands out to diffuse the lingering tension.

“Yeah, we get it. It’s not their faults though, remember? They didn’t ask to be made. Did they? Did they ask to be made the way they are?” The parent tone always seemed to work, Larry had long noted. He should’ve been a teacher. Then again, kids were monkeys, and it took him too long a while to get a grip on Dexter.

A chorus of mumbled ‘no’s was his answer. He nodded. “Okay then. Can we forgive them and made friends?”

The ring leader didn’t look too happy, but nodded with a sour pout and gestured away his men. Larry watched them off first before turning to Thor.

“Sorry about them,” he said, shrugging.

“Do I really have hair like a tavern maiden?” Thor asked quietly.

Larry hesitated, then shook his head. “Nah. Is he okay?” he asked, pointing at Loki briefly before whipping back his finger which aimed too close at Loki’s butt.

“I think so. Your ape-child is responsible.”

“La? For goodness sake...alright, come on, we got a lot of revising to do.”

 

It didn’t take long to rouse Loki, who took down Larry in a jump start of panic when he woke for ‘looking like the Neanderthal’, seeing as that was the last thing he saw before being whacked. It was still early in the night when Larry started the _revising_ , namely Thor and The Avengers movies. 

The looks and commentary between the brothers was far more informative than the film, but it was also hilarious. They were good films, Larry needed to catch up on his movie collection, but his entertainment was heartache for their newcomers. And so, Larry was back to the days of counselling.

“And how did it feel, Thor, when you found out Loki had lied about your dad dying?”

Thor glared at Loki, who was glaring at a poor painting on the wall. “...Angry. Confused. _Betrayed_.”

Loki scoffed. “Oh please, it was only going to be temporary.”

“Uh uh,” Larry cut in, successfully handling the glare Loki swung his way. “Temporary or not, you don’t just lie to someone about their _father_ being dead. You do realise how serious that is right?”

“Can we add genocide to that?” Thor asked, grumpily.

“Yeah and that.” Larry nodded, shifting to keep eye contact with Loki who was squirming and moping the entire time like a damn teenager. “Loki, look at me. I get that you are the villain, and I get that you didn’t _actually_ do any of this stuff, but it’s all still locked up inside you. Right here.” Larry poked his chest, pouting.

Loki stared at them. Then grabbed his wrist. 

Thor was a mere second in time to stop him breaking Larry’s finger. Larry pulled his hand back as Thor forced Loki’s claw like hands open, ignoring his hissing and squirming. From there he didn’t let Loki go, overpowering him in a way that made Larry think he got kicks out of it. Larry stood up, shaking his head.

“See this is what I am talking about! Too much anger going on in there! You gotta let go man. New life, forget everything else. It’s all just...not important okay. Important is here and now.”

“I threw myself into a black void to escape Thor and all he is and where do I end up? Here! Now tell me why you think I would want this?!” Loki shouted stubbornly. “Once more thrown about in a team of misfits! More lost creatures. And this time I am one of them!”

“You always were!” Thor bellowed. Loki stopped dead. Thor shook him. “Don’t you see? You were always lost, long before I was. I may have been blinded and arrogant but I was never lost. It was you who was lost. But it was only when _I_ lost you that you were truly lost. And I _want_ to make things right.” Thor somehow got a hand up to squeeze at Loki’s neck, near breathing down his throat as he somehow secured Loki down further in his chair. “Please Loki, let’s work together with this new...with this chance.”

“...You really changed?” Loki asked, teeth grit.

“I did, and I will spend every day here proving it.”

Larry shifted uncomfortably, any closer and they’d be lip locking.

Loki licked his lips, and that was too much for Larry. He slapped his palms together, making them jump apart. “Progress! Good, this is good. Now we just need to work a little on it every day. Baby steps! And we have forever to discuss everything that happened in...your lives. It will be okay, I promise. Everyone here is real nice, once you get to know them. So...no more breaking extremities.”

“Talking about extremities,” Thor released Loki in favour of lifting the hem of his pants and looking down into it. Loki leaned over to see.

Larry stared incredulously at them both staring down Thor’s trousers. Then Loki made a funny sound in the back of his throat and sat back, half-heartedly poking at his own crotch. Thor sighed heavily.

“I had half expected it to be missing.” Thor said, cheerful. Larry pulled his lips in the facial equivalent of _gross_ , but Thor didn’t notice. “Humans today are so concerned about nudity and genitals. Or...from what is...in my head.”

“I disagree.” Loki squinted. “There are naked women on their literature covers. And their _buildings_.”

“And their technology.” Thor added, to which Loki nodded, looking ready to say something Larry was sure he didn’t need to here.

“Okay! So...” Larry rubbed his palms together. “Can I trust that whatever problems are left will be handled without breaking anything?”

“We swear.” Thor vowed, clapping Loki on the shoulder who tried to shrug it off awkwardly.

Larry raised a brow at Loki, who sighed dramatically.

“Very well, but if anyone attacks me as revenge I will not hesitate to retaliate.”

“Won’t happen,” Larry promised. “Also, rule number one, don’t go outside this place. _If_ you do anyway, make sure you’re back inside by the time the sun comes up.”

“Or what?” Loki asked dangerously, daring him to make a threat.

Larry smiled. “Or you’ll be turned to dust and get eaten by pigeons off the ground while people walk over your ashes with their fancy shoes. Then pooped out onto statues and left to dry up in the sun for eternity.”

The brothers stared, silent.

Larry pouted and turned, and nodded to himself another night well done. 

 

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

**Author's Note:**

> So this could’ve been a million times funnier, had to use what I did think up though. I started a few days ago, then my world just sunk. I’m sorry, life is draining, the xenophobia attacks here in SA are scary, and being a little green-eyed ghost-skinned female is an invitation for being targeted. It’s terrifying when an armed mob of 2000 are stampeding two roads down from where you live and work, more so when you eventually become a victim of literal violence and murder.
> 
> As such I am finally writing a world building fantasy novel in hopes of being successful and being able to fund moving away with my mom and gran and four cats. If anything, I would hope my readers here would find enjoyment in an original work of mine, for entertainers are nothing without their fans. Writing is my passion. I hear Tolkien was born in South Africa, it’s of great inspiration to me personally, being so far from the world I feel I belong to. 
> 
> I will continue to write fanfiction as I need an escape from this life I live, but officially I am writing my first novel in hopes of a better future. I am not as illiterate as some of my work shows, I promise. I hope I can one day see you guys read it too <3 ( _no there won’t be explicit gay sex in it that I will do for free for you guys_ …XD)


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